I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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