I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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