Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
