coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
