that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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