He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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