We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize