Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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