I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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