Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
