my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
