"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
