hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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