The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish there were birth control emojis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
