And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
