fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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