How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
