the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
