This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
