Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
