I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
