Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
