Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
