Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
3 2 1 whiskey
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
