covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
