dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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