Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
