Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
