I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
