So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
