yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
