Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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