ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
