I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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