the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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