Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
