She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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