he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
