theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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