I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
