It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
