3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
please don't ironically join a cult
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