You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The Olympian is in my bed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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