I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
