I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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