he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
