Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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