i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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