69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
