my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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