great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i now understand why vodka
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
