So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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