Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
