I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
