I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
