Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
