Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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