i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
