What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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