I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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