The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
