i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
