Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
