Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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