I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
