Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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